


On Being Left

by Blazing_Creampuff



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-28 09:24:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2727203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blazing_Creampuff/pseuds/Blazing_Creampuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“The kiss wasn’t loving. It was desperate, needy. Laura was using her. She wanted to finally get Carmilla out of her system for good, and this was her chance."</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Being Left

It’s been three months.

Three months since Laura has seen the girl now standing in front of her. Three months since the aforementioned girl had done all but tear her heart from her chest. The smaller girl should be furious. She should hit her, yell at her, she should leave.

But she can’t.

She moves closer to Carmilla. The vampire braces herself for the inevitable slap. She closes her eyes and sighs. “Go ahead, I deserve it.”

Laura feels the anger coursing through her body. She lifts her hand, but instead of striking her ex, she pulls her into a kiss. Carmilla opens her eyes in shock but then allows herself to relax against the younger girl.

The kiss wasn’t loving. It was desperate, needy. Laura was using her. She wanted to finally get Carmilla out of her system for good, and this was her chance.

* * *

  _It was about a week before summer vacation._

_Laura walked into room 307, ready to prepare for the party that night. But she immediately froze in place when she turned on the light._

_Carmilla's side of the room was bare. Everything she owned was gone._ _The only thing slightly suggesting that another person inhabited the space was the bed. And even that was left without covers._

_“No." Laura said, the word was barely audible as she shook her head slowly. She frantically searched every part the room hoping to find any evidence of her girlfriend._

_She found none._

_The walls felt like they were closing around her. “This can't be happening!" Tears start falling freely as she makes her way to her desk. She grabs her Tardis mug and throws it against the bathroom door. She sees all the shattered pieces on the floor and finds comfort in the fact that she destroyed something. She turns back to find a note neatly folded, where the mug was previously set. She opens it._

_It's from Carmilla._

**_Laura,_ **

**_I know how this will make me seem. Just please believe me when I say it's for the best. Do not mistake this as me saying loving you is a regret of mine. The time I spent with you made me feel more human than I had in decades. But only danger will come to you if I continue to be a part of your life. I was naive to think I could keep you away from my world. This is not easy for me to do. Hurting you was never part of my plan. And if I'm being completely honest neither was falling for you. Even in my darkest hours, you never let our fire burn out. You always kept the door to your heart open for me, so that I may always find my way home. But darling, the time has come to close it._ **

**_Carmilla._ **

_Laura re-reads the letter until the door opens. She secretly hopes it's the vampire coming back to say it's all a big (highly fucked up) joke. But heart breaks a little more when she hears her T.A.'s voice._

_“Hey, are you guys still coming to the bonfire toni-" Danny's words trail off when she notices the mess. “Laura?" She slowly approaches the girl at the desk. She sees her shaking and quickly kneels down at her side. “Hey, what's going on?" She says in a soft tone, afraid that she'll break the smaller girl if she speaks at a normal volume._

_Without a word Laura hands her the letter._

* * *

Laura lets her hands run over every single part of Carmilla's body, as she holds her captive against the door. The same door she had pictured the vampire walking out of over and over again in her head. 

Carmilla doesn't register what this means. She takes it as a good thing, and enjoys every touch. She doesn't see that it is Laura's way of trying to say goodbye to her.

* * *

_Laura doesn't leave her room for days. Her dad worries for her. His little girl had been acting strange ever since she came back home._

_She eats, but only when he insists._

_After a couple weeks her dad gets tired of it. He gets a hold of her phone and sees that she's even alienating herself from her friends. He makes a few calls and explains everything to them. They all agree that them visiting might help Laura._

_So, he makes arrangements for them to stay at their home without telling her. He figures that it's kind of invading her personal life, but hopes that later on she'll understand._

_LaF is the first to arrive. Figures they can put science on the backburner for the time being. It is summer vacation after all. And being there for Laura seemed like a better idea than hounding people for hair and blood samples._

_“Hey, so please tell me I have permission to experiment on you now." LaF says while taking a seat next to Laura on the couch._

_It took a lot of begging on her dad's part to get her in the living room._

_She looks at her friend with tired eyes. The corner of her mouth lifts for a brief second. It's the closest she's come to smiling since what happened._

* * *

 She has Carmilla's hands pinned above her head. The girl is lying beneath her. Shirt and pants discarded somewhere on their way to Laura's bed.

The smaller girl was still fully dressed, much to the vampire's disapproval. So she finally gives in to her needs. Using her above average strength and speed, she moves her hands from underneath Laura's. She quickly unbuttons the girl's long sleeve flannel, and begins sliding it off her shoulders. She stops taking it off when it's halfway down the brunettes arms.

Laura un-latches her lips from Carmilla's neck to see her staring at her left bicep. The other girl's cool fingers slowly tracing the marks. “One for everytime I tried to get you out of my head."

Carmilla felt the guilt wash over her. An uneasy feeling settling in her stomach and making her nauseous. “Why?" Was all she could say.

Laura huffed and gave her a sarcastic smile. “Funny, I asked myself the same thing for weeks after you left."

* * *

_Danny was the one that found her that day._

_It happened while LaF and Perry were out with Laura's dad. She heard crying coming from Laura's room. The same broken cries from the night Carmilla left._

_As Danny quietly approached her door, she heard the muffled talking. “Why...don't...you just...leave....me...alone?"_

_Curiousity caused the redhead to open the door. She stopped moving forward when she saw the blood._

_Laura shifted her head in Danny's direction, her tears replaced with anger. “What the hell are you doing!? Get out!"_

_That knocked the taller girl back into reality.  “The real question is what the hell are you doing?" She said, looking around for something to cover up the wounds. Giving up on her search, she just takes off her tank top. Quickly making her way to tie it to Laura's arm. The younger girl tried fighting her off._

_The blood took no time in seeping through her white tank. She applied more pressure while taking the razor from the girl's other hand._

_That earned her a hard slap._

_Danny ignored the sharp pain in her cheek. “Can't you see how much we fucking care!? You can't be doing this to yourself!"_

_Laura's eyes started to fill with tears again. “You don't understand. I need to hurt myself more than she ever could. I need to know something can hurt more than her leaving."_

_Danny set the razor down on the nightstand, and held the girl to her chest. Completely forgetting she was in nothing but her bra at the moment. “You don't have to do this." She felt her own tears threatening to fall. “Please, just....just promise me you won't do it again?"_

_She felt Laura's tears as the girl nodded against her._

* * *

 “I haven't done it since. Now please, just kiss me." Carmilla saw the desperation in her eyes.

She gently sat up and took the brunette's face into her hands. “Laura, I'm not going anywhere. We don't need to rush through this."

“Don't say that, I don't need this right now."

“Don't need what?" Carmilla asks.

Laura doesn't respond. Instead she starts kissing the other girl again. It's slow, so slow and deep. Carmilla feels herself being overwhelmed with everything that is Laura Hollis.

She wants to pull back, she wants to know what she meant by saying those words, but she doesn't.

She just gives the younger girl what she needs.

* * *

_Laura sat on a bench over looking the lake. Danny to her right, while Perry and LaF were holding hands to her left. They had been sitting in silence, enjoying the sunset. The trio was leaving in a few days._

_“So, do you have an answer for us yet?" Danny says while poking the smaller girl's side._

_Laura let out a sigh and stood up. “I do." She says earning the undivided attention of her friends. “I have decided that I will continue attending Silas." LaF starts cheering loudly, as Danny and Perry give her bright smiles._

_“I thought I could transfer to a normal school. You know? I could start a new life away from the weird that is Silas University._ _But the more I thought about it the less enticing it sounded." She gave the trio still on the bench a loving look. “Besides, I could never leave my best friends."_

* * *

“Why did you leave?" Laura says against the pale girls chest. Carmilla stops running her hand through her hair, and the younger girl sits up. “I was so in love with you, Carm."

“Was?" The use of the past tense hits her like a ton of bricks. She quickly leans up on her hands.

“You just up and left me like I was one of your study buddies." Laura says, her voice breaking more with each word that came out. The wall of anger she's had up, now falling rapidly.

“You know how much you mean to me Laura, I would never do something unless it was completely necessary. And believe me, every night that I was away, it was great because you were in my dreams. But every time I woke it pained me because you weren't there. I had to go. I had to make things right. We were all going to get killed. They were after all of us, LaF, Perry, Xena, even Kirsch."

“Who was after us?" Laura wanted to know what was so terrifying, that she had to have her heart broken in order to be protected.

A part of her was still yelling inside her head to not keep asking questions. To go back to the original plan and tell Carmilla to disappear from her life, but she pushed that back.

Carmilla let out a long huff of air. “My mother had created many of us in her lifetime. When she met her fate that night many months ago, her children felt her presence leave them. I could sense their anger. All of them were gathering to put an end to us. So, I decided I would go see Godric."

“Who's that?" 

“He is maman's creator. When she died, the control she had over us was passed on to him. Being her oldest child, I knew I had a slight chance of convincing him to put an end to what her minions were plotting. But I had a hard time finding him. He was in a secluded area underneath Rome. When I finally did encounter Godric, I begged him to put a stop to it. At first he couldn't understand why I let my love for a human surpass that of my own creator." 

Laura looked up at the mention of the word "love" and gave Carmilla a small smile. The vampire responded by interlacing their hands, before continuing.

“So, I showed him."

Laura gave her a confused look. “How exactly did you show him?"

“When you're around for as long as he has you gain abilities." Carmilla explained.

“And exactly how long has he been alive?"

“A little over 2,000 years." She answers without being fazed. “He is able to search anyone's mind by touch. So when I gave him my hands, he looked into my memories. He saw how mother was using me, how we feel in love, and saw the sacrifice I had to make to come to him." She tightened her grip on Laura's hand to emphasize how much it hurt her to leave. “Afterwards, he called upon maman's minions. When they were all before him, he commanded them to stay away from us and threatened the life of anyone who dared defy him."

Laura was shocked. She couldn't believe the lengths Carmilla went through to save, not only her, but all of her friends. She sat there speechless. She didn't know what to do. There was still that very small part of her that wanted the vampire out of her life. Wanted her to hurt like the smaller girl did for months, but she already had. She never meant to hurt her. Of course that doesn't get rid of any of the pain Laura had gone through, but knowing the whole truth now changed her perspective.

“So what did you mean earlier?" Carmilla says, knocking Laura out of her thoughts.

“By what?"

The vampire started making soothing circles on the smaller girl's hand with her thumb. “You said you 'didn't need this right now.'"

The brunette sighed. “I um, I didn't mean for this to go so far." Carmilla now gave her a confused look. “This was supposed to be goodbye. I figured it was the best way to get closure."

Carmilla interrupts her. “If that's what you desire, I understand. I'll be on my way." As she tries to get off the bed, Laura grabs her wrist and pulls her back.

“Let me finish. I thought that's what I wanted. No, it is what I wanted. But that was when I thought I wouldn't get the true reason behind you leaving." She cups the older girls face between her hands. “You saved my life and the lives of my friends, again. You took the risk of losing me to go search for your...grandfather?" She waited for a correction.

Carmilla nods at the girl to let her know that was a good way to refer to Godric, before Laura continued. “He could have ignored your pleas. But you didn't give up."

“I couldn't. I love you Laura. I wouldn't allow myself to be the reason your life came to an end." Tears started to fill her eyes.

“I know, and I love you too." She whipped the tears off Carmilla's cheeks with her thumbs. “You stupid vampire." She says, before leaving in and kissing her softly.

The kiss lasted a few seconds before they pulled apart and rested their foreheads against each other. “Your friends are going to kill me, cupcake."

Laura let out a chuckle. “No, they won't. They might tie you up for a couple of weeks again though."

“Great, really looking forward to it." Carmilla says sarcastically.

“Don't worry, I'll make it up to you when they're done with the interrogation." Laura says suggestively, before giving her another quick kiss and laying back down with her.


End file.
